looking for something....
August 5, 2016
Defeated. I was more than just a little defeated. I knew the possibilities. I knew the financial freedom this property would afford us. Yet, I was still defeated. This may be too much for me. I didn’t tell Field at the time, but I knew it was.
The next day wasn’t the day I needed. We met up with a local trusted contractor to go over the house. Thoughts he had on renovation ideas. What could be salvaged, what could be done, and what we’d have to eat in reno costs. He had the news that broke me. The amazing wood floors that needed to be sanded and refinished? Turns out they are cosmetically damaged beyond saving. There were urine stains that were so bad they had sunk through the whole floor, and no amount of sanding or finish would save them. It was a low blow. So scratch one design idea… not going to lie, heartbroken. But if there is one thing that Field and I have learned in the 17+years of being together, nothing can keep us from moving forward. Keep moving forward.
So design shattering dream aside, I was okay. At least that was the worst thing that we’d talk about today, right? That cute cork-board flooring that wasn’t our style so it’d have to go? It was asbestos tile. You know, the stuff that creates toxic dust that causes cancer. “THATS IT!” Unicorn Ninjas don’t exist because asbestos killed them. Who lives with this stuff for that long? “Well we can’t live with that here. Can we get rid of it?” You know those answers you somehow know the answers too before you ask them? This was one of those times. “We can get rid of it,” he said. “It’ll cost about $12,000.” He went on to explain all of the safety precautions that they’d have to take, how careful they’d have to be with removing it, how much it’d cost to dispose of it, and I stopped hearing a word.
That same heart stopping peace I felt when we were driving up the day before, found me again. Except this time it wasn’t peace, it was the other side of it…fear. He kindly and very patiently laid out his ideas for the house renovations. He assured me that everything would work out great, and we could come in at or under budget. I’m pretty sure he told me lots of things, but I was so stunned by all the bad news, I couldn’t hear a thing.
I can’t do this. I knew that I could not make this decision for our family and our future without Field. I called him right away…. “I need you. I need you here, and I need you here tomorrow.” I’m a fairly independent woman. I like a challenge and making big decisions, but this moment was too big for me alone. I needed my husband. I needed him to hug me and tell me we would get through this together. I needed him to to do what he does better than anyone I’ve ever met. I needed him to solve a problem.
If you don’t know, Field has a great job with a fantastic company called Showit. He has been their community lead, concierge for Showit 5, and what is usually the first loving, kind smile and hug to welcome you to Showit and the Showiteer family. Todd Watson, the owner of Showit, has become a great friend to our family over the past couple years. Todd’s heart in all of this, is one of kindness and grace. The love he shares with each employee is tremendous, and we are forever in his debt for the kindness he has shown our family. The whole Showit team really, has just been amazing. With one quick conversation with Jason, Field was able to grab a flight the next day, and do a real. quick 17 hr. turn around trip.
Right when Fields plane landed at 11:15pm a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. The moment I picked him up on the arrival curb, my heart was lighter. Just knowing that he was with me, I was able to breathe. I stopped worrying about the floors, and the decisions ahead. I knew that he would help us figure out what was best for our family. I knew that he would lead our family in the direction we were meant to go, even if it meant this house was not the one for us.
The next morning came quickly, and by 7am we were on the road. I was anxious for him to see the house, the town, the property. I couldn’t wait to hear his thoughts, to hear his jokes, and to lighten up my day. As we pulled up to the house, he didn’t say much. “This looks great”, he calmly said. We quietly walked through the house. He wasn’t saying much (which always makes me nervous for some reason) but was taking it all in. The contractor was on his way and I still didn’t have a read on what Field was feeling.
Lets jump ahead to the conversation that led to our decision. We were standing at the back of the property trying to process the morning, how we both felt, the issues with the house and our list of concerns about the entire situation. “Do you remember what started this entire process?”, I asked. “We wanted a small town-simple life for our family….This whole things is crazy. We are either going to LOVE this life or HATE it, but we are never going to know unless we give it a try, right?” Field looked at me and smiled, then hugged me tight, “I think we should do it”.